Finding Joy: Three Tips to Overcome What is Holding You Back

(Washington Insider Magazine) – I want to just introduce myself. For those of you who haven’t seen my offerings yet, I am a transformational wellness coach. I also have programs that are one-to-one. They work with you. I meet you where you are. and figure out whatever is holding you back. I involve the eight areas of wellness and it gives you a framework for whatever the problem is in your life. We talk about topics of resilience, which I also feature in my radio show called Resilient You with Alicia Pozsony. You should definitely check that out.

I also have a book out that you might want to take advantage of. It is called Emotional Strength Explained. It’s a journal style workbook. If you’re not ready to go into counseling or meet with anyone, you can use that book to get yourself started on the path and figure out ways to improve your life.

My story is a story where I came up from a dysfunctional background. And as a result, like many of us today, I want to help people. Whether you’ve been through trauma or whether you are going through stress and just at a place where you’re feeling unfulfilled in life. If you can relate to that, just raise your hand. Okay.

If you are you stressed or feeling pressure from different areas in your life, from all the roles that you feel? Are you trying to distract yourself by doing things that really don’t serve you? Ladies, if you’re listening, I think you can relate. I know many people that I work with – they tell me the challenges that they face and I’m aware that part of it is because of the life that we live the world we live in – then other times there’s other factors that come into play. But today we’re going to talk about three things that you can use in your life, you can apply them now so, without further ado: Thank yourself for reading this article.  Give yourself a big hug right now.  No matter what happened to you today I want you to just shake it off shake it off, and let it go. Today we are going to focus on how you can find that joy you’re looking for.

What else can we do?

We can look at the facts. This past year we have, it’s been challenging for everyone, bouncing back from the COVID pandemic, from changes in life, living in such a technology-driven world. There’s tough, tough times for everybody. We’re all having difficulty finding positivity and joy. So know you’re not alone. In fact, a recent survey from the University of Chicago found that happiness among Americans had fallen to a five decade low. That’s five decades. So how can you find joy or at least peace in your difficult time? The first thing I want to share is that no content in my program should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. So when you are feeling unfulfilled, it could be a normal response or it could be a sign of a mental health condition. In either case, you should not be ashamed. You know everybody has a different background and a different way of processing so if you’re thinking about getting some help, please reach out. But, but in the meantime let’s get back to it – the good news is – let me share that first with more happiness. You can handle even hard and difficult times right and who doesn’t want that? If you add joy to your daily routine, you can embrace your overall well-being.

Happiness has two parts. Okay. The first part of happiness is your satisfaction. A sense that your life is going well.

The second part is the experience of positive emotions.  

Do you have and  are you feeling pride in what you do and how you live and who you are? Are you feeling curious? Do you have enthusiasm about the things in your life? And then as well, do you have tranquility and joy? These are the two parts: satisfaction and how many positive emotions you are having.

I want you to just take a note down. Okay. Of those two things, number one, satisfaction. and number two, how many positive emotions are you feeling: that’s going to be the first thing where we look at ourselves to become an expert in what is going to bring us the joy that we so deserve.

Because, let me tell you, you deserve it. All right? So there’s some strategies you can use. Now let’s get right to it. Let’s focus on the strategies that you can use to find more joy in your work, in your job, your home, in your ordinary life, starting today.

1.     Conversation.

You can make a practice of striking up a conversation with friends. family members, even strangers. You’ll be surprised that what you get back, when you have connection with people, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, when you connect with others, you will have overall happiness, better health, you will have more contentment. These are things that, you know, it’s so important that you can, and you as well, you can have influence on other people. And that gives you joy, that gives you a purpose, right? That gives you fulfillment that you made a difference. Like for me, for example, I know my children, I always wanna try to be a positive influence to them. And they’re like at the ages now where they’re like, whatever, what do you know? Well, I am finding that I’ve got to pivot and make changes. I’ve got to be flexible. Okay, we’ll get to that. We’ll get to that. So the strategies, right? So let’s get back. So strategies, you can have a conversation.

2.     You can make a list of joy.

What brings you joy? It’s simple, right? Maybe not. Think about the things that bring you joy. If you spend time with friends and you say, oh, I’m happy to be with the person, but then you end up leaving that time or that relationship and you’re overwhelmed, you’re stressed, consider are they really giving back to you? Are they giving you support that you need? Are they there for you? Family members, same thing. Sometimes family, let’s face it, it’s not the best thing for us at all times, right? So keep in mind, Lori Santin is a PhD professor of psychology at Yale University. When you think about the times you were joyful before, what was it that brought you that? Was it a peaceful situation? Were you alone? Was it a person who fulfilled you and you left coming out of it so overjoyed? Was it a music concert you attended? Was it a play you saw? Was it lunch with a friend? What was that thing that gave you that joy? Lori, she says that you should consider those things. and figure out how you can recreate those moments that are going to help you make that joy list.

3.     Another strategy is you can Give

There was an old saying it’s better to give than to receive and that is actually true. There’s there’s there were studies that were done that people that gave money to charity were happier than those who did not. And again, the National Institute of Health even said back in 2006, but that the areas of the brain associated with giving are associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust. So if you’re on a tight budget and you’re like, oh, I can’t give any money away, think about a little bit of giving. Maybe you can…

4.     Be Kinder, that’s our next strategy.

You can be kind and give, maybe you can buy a coffee for the person behind you in the line. Maybe you can give five dollars to, you know, something that normally you would spend on yourself and give it to someone else, right? There’s a way that you can make these small changes that will really influence those areas of your brain. So being kind, let’s look at this. There was a study published in the review of general psychology where students were asked to perform five activities of kindness per week over the course of six weeks. And on one side, they did five acts in one day, and the other students did five acts one per day for the week. What do you think? Who was who were happier? Do you have an idea? It was, let me tell you, it was the three to five acts of kindness per day. Those were the ones who were happier. All right. So three to five acts of kindness per day. I know in boy scouts, they say, you know, they’ll do a good turn per day or something like girl scouts anyway, scouts do a good turn per day, but imagine if you went beyond and you did five, you’re going to be making a difference in the world. You can surprise a neighbor with a baked good. We used to do that in this world, believe it or not. Talk to your neighbors. You can compliment the first person you speak to each day. You can leave a thank you note for your mail carrier. You can run an errand for a friend or family member. You can hold the elevator door or the door when you see someone coming your way. You can pass along a great book that you’ve finished reading. You can leave a tip for a waiter. You can, you know, there’s so many ways you can be kind, right? So try and practice this. Okay.

5.     Add some color to your world

Believe it or not color is something that will, make you more alert. It’ll make you more aware. and you know if you haven’t noticed I’ve got pops of color in my house all over right so here in the studio and also in the home.  Pink and blue are associated with positive emotions so that I didn’t know when I designed the cover for my book pink and blue are associated with positive emotions dark colors brown or black with negative emotions so color pops can spark joy in your home. If you’re in an office, same thing, get a pop of color, right? I get a bright yellow pencil holder, get a, you know, blue and pink, you know, picture you hang in your, in your wall or your cube. I don’t know what’s happening now. The world’s moving to shared workspaces, but, um, but again, see where you can get that color and even you can wear color that, that will help you. So when you take time for yourself and have these strategies that you’re involving to bring joy in.

6.     You can make time for exercise

Even just 10 minutes. So depending on what your own physical situation is, if you’re hurting or if you have an ailment, you have something going on, you have to be careful. But you can still do some exercising. You can do stretching. There’s chair exercises you can do. You can do a… Let’s do it now. We’re going to reach up, we’re going to stretch, we’re going to feel the emotion, the motion of our arms. We’re going to reach them out to our sides. We’re going to feel our back muscles stretching. I mean, the simple thing, it’s so overlooked, right? We sit hunched over, we work on our keyboards, we’re on our phones, our thumbs get plenty of exercise, but what about the rest of our body? Right? So take time for yourself. 10 minutes of exercise. Go for a walk. do a stretch, you can, you know, dance. I love dancing in the kitchen. So when I’m making dinner, that’s one of the things I do. And believe it or not, it counts. Again, there’s studies that show this, right? It’s proven. So that’s mood boosting. So do it. There’s plenty of people you can look online. You can follow people, posts on Instagram, TikTok and all. There’s a thing where they, dance they do these things you can practice I mean you never know how it’s going to elevate your life you can connect with the younger generation to through those those dances okay now you’ve heard of runners high right that’s another thing

So I’ve talked about some strategies and there are other ways that you can, but now  let’s talk about what you shouldn’t do. Okay, so this is number two. Things you shouldn’t do, okay? Let’s talk about the pace of our day. You shouldn’t rush through those moments that matter. So number two, I want you to take a note. Don’t rush through the moments that matter. All right. Ordinary moments like sipping a cup of tea or coffee, inhaling the scent of a fresh candle, listening to the birds sing outside the window. If you pass through these things so quick, you’re not gonna get that joy from them. It’s really simple, really simple. easy, it’s free, you can do this day after day. So there was a study that when people kept diaries of doing these things, they had higher levels of happiness, no matter what the rest of the day brought. So as you’re on your way through your day, don’t rush. So at the same time, gratitude, I’m sure you’ve heard about gratitude, you’ve heard about mindfulness. Gratitude is not just something that we should do over turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving. Gratitude is the thing that is going to really make you happier and more optimistic. So no matter what is going on in life, you can count your blessings. So, you know, instead of I hate to clean, I read this the other day and I love it because I’m cleaning is a thing that I’m not fond of, but… Instead of saying I have I hate to clean say I am grateful for living in a clean house. I am deserving of living in a clean house. Imagine if you start approaching things with a different perspective, a different mindset, you’re going to enhance your well-being. Honestly ladies, this is just amazing.

So when you are ready to give thanks, you know. You can take that that thought you can speak it aloud you can write it down or perhaps before bed you can write down the five things that you’re grateful for. Right from coming home that day, if you have things that that stress you out you can look at that look at the opposite side of that be grateful and see what kind of positive effect – that it’ll work in your life. And when you share this with others, you can deepen your relationships and help spark joy in other people. You don’t want to do it too much because people are in their own world, but you want to just bring that joy, bring those little daily reminders.  I’ve had people tell me taking notice of those positive things in their life really make a difference and bring them joy and help them to be resilient.

So, resilience is one of the important things we need in our life today. So, we know that number one, you’re going to use the strategies that you need to. Number two, you’re going to focus on not rushing.

Great job, everybody. Great job. We are going to now talk about what do you do to bring further joy into your life.

So let’s fast forward. Let’s say we’re two weeks away from today and you’re practicing gratitude. You’re not rushing through the moments of the day. You are intentionally taking 10 minutes to be active. for yourself. You are implementing the other strategies that we talked about, color in your life. You know, you’ve got, you can see how all these things connected can make a difference, right? The thing that we haven’t talked about yet is the third thing, the third thing that we want to cover today is spending a few minutes to clear your mind. This may not seem like a big deal, but I promise you it works. It is tied to positive emotion, decreased stress, lower anxiety, it improves your immune function, and enhances feelings of compassion. Right? Don’t think of it as being selfish. If anybody has ever told you, to not… do this, not take time for yourself, or is wanting more from you, just keep them at bay because this is going to give yourself what you need to have that joy, to sustain it, to carry it forward. When you have time, you can get clear … and I’ll be honest, having a mentor such as myself is really going to help you because it’s going to help you to reach your goals quicker. It’s going to help you to figure out what’s stopping you and it’s going to help you to put it into practice.

So, if you find that you’ve enjoyed so far what we’ve shared in this article. If you’ve enjoyed it, you got something out of it, raise your hand. And then consider connecting with me. I’m going to give you information on how to do that. We can connect one-on-one to see if we can put something in your life that’s going to help. But if you can invest in a mentor services, you can end up having time back in your life. So the time you’re spending shopping, planning, cleaning, doing all these things that normally take you longer because you’re not fulfilled, you’re not energetic, you don’t have motivation, you’re going to have minutes back in your life. And when you have minutes back, you’re going to be happier because you’re not going to be stressed out. And then when you have time, you’re going to spend that time to clear your mind.

If you’ve ever shut yourself away in your bathroom just to get a few minutes a piece from your kids. If you’ve ever on purpose not woken some you know your family up so you could have your coffee in the morning without anything if you’ve ever left to go exercise or go for a walk just to get away. We can be honest here this is a safe space. I’ve done all those things. In this change of implementing join your life. and using a mentor like myself, you’re going to have time back. So you’re going to do this regularly. So the third thing is spend time to clear your mind. Um, again, don’t worry if you think you’re being selfish, you’re not taking care of yourself only boosts your happiness. 

And you know, it, when life with its ups and downs, it gives us challenging events, sometimes all at once, our world is upside down, you end the day thinking you just want it to be over, like that’s not, that’s not how you have to be, right? You can get yourself in a place where you have part of your natural day and your human experience, giving back to yourself, clearing your mind, making yourself filled with joy, and therefore you’re able to help. combat things like depression, like illness. 

Again, we want to make sure that you understand that there is a difference between joy and happiness, but the state of mind can be obtained when you practice these things, even through grief or uncertainty. So your neurobiology is Complex, and you have neurotransmitters which will produce positive feelings dopamine serotonin Oxytocin and endorphins those are the four things that Will increase your your neurotransmitter levels, so keep that in mind because when you have that few extra minutes to clear your mind and you can do that by relaxing to lower your heart rate, you can find peace, you can focus on what is your sense of purpose, you can connect with your spiritual side, there’s all kind of ways and even you might discover something new! When we give back to ourselves, we give ourselves permission to take a few moments of pleasure, especially when we’re feeling low. 

We can pay attention to the good. We can practice this and limit that negativity. Just remember, it’s okay to set limits. You can change your mindset. And I’m here to help. Think about booking a free session with me. In that free discovery session, we’re going to talk about your personal goals one-on-one. We’re going to talk about your vision, what is important to you, and we are going to consider what is stopping you, okay? Two things, we’re going to talk about your reality. what you’re challenged with. We are going to figure out strategies that might work for you. I can lay out the plan for you. 

We can see what is going to work, okay? And it’s affordable. So keep in mind, I do have larger program offerings, but for this purpose, I want toa connect because I want to make real change in the world. I know how it feels to have gone through life – you look around and you just want some changes. So let’s do it together.